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“Top Gun” is Tom Cruise’s movie, but Maverick never could have soared without Lieutenant Tom “Iceman” Kazansky goading him on.

The same could be said of the film’s decades-in-the-making sequel: Without Val Kilmer reprising his role, “Top Gun: Maverick” wouldn’t have flown so high.

‘I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, “… I drank what?”‘

The 2022 film proved to be Kilmer’s last. Robbed of the ability to speak by throat cancer, Kilmer still managed to summon that old chemistry with Cruise. Rivals turned friends, but still marked by their differences: the tightly controlled perfectionist vs. the showboating risk-taker.

The Iceman goeth

Observe the two men’s careers, and you notice that the roles are reversed. Cruise is the meticulous planner, unwilling to leave the slightest detail to chance. His sheer discipline has helped him remain not just one of the last standing ’80s stars but one of the last viable movie stars, period.

As for Kilmer … he initially didn’t want the Iceman role and tried to sabotage his audition. He got the part anyway. Bigger parts followed, and he played them with memorable, unpredictable intensity.

But in the process he developed a reputation for being “difficult” on set, with multiple directors vowing never to work with him again. He was finished as a leading man long before he got sick.

No matter. Yes, Kilmer is famous for playing Batman and Jim Morrison, but the tributes in the wake of Kilmer’s death at 65 this week suggest that his most beloved work was done in smaller roles: Doc Holliday in “Tombstone,” Robert De Niro’s partner in crime in “Heat,” a kind of guardian angel Elvis in “True Romance.”

All fine choices. But as long as we’re assembling the Kilmer canon, I’d like to submit his top-billed performances in two movies that have since fallen into semi-obscurity: 1985’s “Real Genius” and 2004’s “Spartan.”

A wisecracking ‘Genius’

They couldn’t be more different. “Real Genius” is a classic ’80s slobs vs. snobs comedy, following in the footsteps of “Animal House” and “Caddyshack.” The difference is that the “slobs” are all elite-level brainiacs, way smarter than you or me.

And that’s a good thing. “Compared to you, most people have the IQ of a carrot,” one character tells another. This is not a movie that finds measuring intelligence “problematic.”

It’s also not a movie to sacrifice wit for shock, despite its requisite raunchiness. As the movie’s prodigy turned slacker hero, Kilmer wanders through the film with a winning nonchalance, getting off wisecracks that sound positively Marx brothers-esque compared to today’s potty-mouthed dreck.

“So if there’s anything I can do for you — or, more to the point, to you — just let me know.”

“I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, ‘… I drank what?'”

And this endearingly hokey response to a professor’s demand that he “see more of you around the lab”: “Fine. I’ll gain weight.”

Kilmer makes it work.

A ‘Spartan’ action hero

The actor employs his laid-back cool to altogether different effect in “Spartan,” a global thriller with the claustrophobic intimacy of a play by David Mamet — who did in fact write and direct this one.

Kilmer plays Scott, a brutally efficient Secret Service agent enlisted to find the president’s daughter, kidnapped by sex traffickers. A big part of the movie’s pleasure is Mamet’s script; he allows the characters to pursue their mission without the kind of dumbed-down, expository dialogue that is usually inserted for the benefit of the audience.

The result is that we’re constantly straining to catch up to these professionals, fittingly played by unpretentious, seasoned pros like William H. Macy and Ed O’Neill, as they do their jobs. As the plot thickens and betrayals emerge, their confusion begins to mirror ours.

One thing that movies seem to have forgotten today is the art of suspense. The calm before the storm is just as important as the storm itself. Here Kilmer radiates calm; his measured yet charismatic performance keeps us hooked.

And he still manages a few good zingers amid the oblique Mametian philosophizing. When a colleague offers his name, Kilmer cracks, “Do I need to know that? If I want camaraderie, I’ll join the Masons.”

On Valentine’s Day this year, 26-year-old conservative influencer Ashley St. Clair posted on X that she had given birth to Elon Musk’s 13th child five months prior. A whirlwind of drama immediately followed with Elon allegedly ignoring St. Clair and refusing to acknowledge the child. A few days later, St. Clair submitted two petitions to the New York Supreme Court: a paternity petition to legally establish Musk as the father of her son and a custody petition seeking sole legal and physical custody.

Neither petition has been granted.

Fast-forward a couple of months, and now the drama is even messier. Yesterday, St. Clair was spotted outside her Manhattan apartment handing over the keys to her black Tesla Model S to a representative from Carvana, an online auto sales company. She told a Daily Mail reporter that she was selling the $100,000 vehicle because Elon Musk had cut her child support by 60%.

“I need to make up for the 60% cut that Elon made to our son’s child support,” she said.

Musk, responding to an X post by Laura Loomer, in which she called St. Clair a “gold digger,” said, “I don’t know if the child is mine or not, but am not against finding out. No court order is needed. Despite not knowing for sure, I have given Ashley $2.5M and am sending her $500k/year.”

Which narrative is closer to the truth? Is Musk an absent, penny-pinching father? Or is Ashley St. Clair really just a gold digger?

Pat Gray wades into the public scandal.

“He’s given her $2.5 million and $500K a year. I’m sorry, if you can’t get by on that, I can’t help you. I mean, that’s more than enough child support,” he says.

“Unleashed” producer Kris Kruz points out that the Tesla St. Clair sold, as well as the Manhattan apartment she’s living in, were both paid for by Musk.

What Elon needs to do, says Pat, is just take the paternity test to find out if all this headache is even necessary.

To hear more of the panel’s commentary and see some of the back and forth between St. Clair and Musk, watch the clip above.

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